Are you sitting comfortably?
by hollyhobbit101
Summary: The demigods have all grown up and now have children of their own. Each night the children hear stories of what their parents did when they were younger. See what happens when Leo Valdez takes over this role.
1. Meeting the kids

**Disclaimer: Rick Riordan owns all the characters. I own nothing except for the children who will take a more active role in future chapters.**

Are you sitting comfortably?

Leo looked around the crowded room. He saw his wife Calypso sitting next to him, a mass of kids in front of him and the rest of the adults in the corner. It was his turn to tell a few stories to the kids and he'd been looking forward to it for ages. Now he was slightly daunted by the little faces looking up at him expectantly.

There were his own two children Esperanza and Rose, Percy and Annabeth's children Charlie and Sally, Frank and Hazel's child Sammy and Jason and Piper's children Thalia and Mitchell. Even Nico and Will's adopted child Hope was there. He swallowed nervously.

'So. Guys. Erm…' He looked to the side. Calypso just rolled her eyes at him and motioned for him to carry on. He tried again.  
>'Okay. I'm Leo and I've been told I've got to tell you stuff about what we did when we were younger. So. What do you want to hear first?'<br>All the children shouted ideas at him and created such a din, everyone had to put their hands over their ears.  
>'ALL RIGHT!' Leo yelled until they'd all calmed down. 'Here's an idea. You put all your suggestions into a box and I'll draw them out. Okay?'<br>They all nodded. Once the box was full (it was very small), Leo drew one out. He looked at it and grinned mischievously.

'Are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin…'

**The content in the chapters will be both canon and non-canon. I am open to requests which you can post in the review section or PM me. So read and enjoy! Reviews would be good too if you want to post one.**


	2. Return of a Hero

**Disclaimer: Rick Riordan owns all the characters. I own nothing except for the children.**

Return of a Hero

'It was on a dark winter's night when…'  
>'Leo.' Drat. Calypso was already onto him about something. 'You have to tell them what it's about. Honestly. I may have lived on an island for three thousand years but I do know how to talk to children.'<br>'Fine. This one is about when I returned back to camp with Calypso here. Whose suggestion was this?'  
>A shy looking girl raised her hand. It was Thalia Grace who was nothing like her namesake. She had blonde hair and huge blue eyes that could win even the toughest *cough*Clarisse*cough* person over.<p>

'Okay. Let's carry on shall we? It was on a dark winter's night when a huge bronze dragon landed on a grassy hill. It had just begun to storm heavily and the two riders were drenched and shivering.'  
>'But why didn't you use your fire? It would make sense wouldn't it?' Leo sighed. Of course, little Sally Jackson would always find a loophole in everything.<br>'Because the rain stopped it from working. Do you know what I think caused that storm? I reckon it was Jason over there. He was probably in a mood about something and decided to make it rain to match his mood.'  
>The children all laughed at that, although Thalia and Mitchell were looking at their father a little warily.<br>'Hey. It's not my fault Dad can create thunder storms at will. Blame him, not me.'  
>'Um… I'd rather not Jace. I don't really want to get in trouble with Zeus again. Not after I came back to the dead. He was really, erm, he was really irritated with me.'<p>

'Back to the story. So the two riders were soaked to the skin and were thankful when they saw a bit of shelter. They landed the dragon on the hill and trudged up it. Now, unbeknownst to our heroes, the place they had landed at was none other than Camp Half-Blood for Greek demigods. The sound of them landing had woken all of the campers up with the exception of the Hypnos cabin. Honestly, those guys sleep really deeply and snore like complete pigs.'  
>Again, everyone in the room laughed. Leo bowed like a stage performer.<p>

'Thank you, thank you. You're too kind really.' However, he stopped when he caught the warning look in his wife's eyes.  
>'Anyway… Where was I? Ah yes. Everyone was emerging from their cabins in a wide variety of clothing. Some had pyjamas on, some were wearing amour, some of the Aphrodite girls had rollers in their hair and all their makeup was smudged. It was hilarious really. Sorry Pipes! I didn't mean you! So, most of them had a weapon at least and they were charging up towards us. Fortunately, I found some white material in my trusty belt and started waving it to say that we came in peace. They all slowed down, confused. I heard lots of mutterings about who we were.<p>

'Is that who I think it is?'  
>'Can't be, he's dead.'<br>'Who's that he's with?'  
>'Ugh. She can do sooo much better than him.'<p>

'You get the idea. Some of these comments came from your siblings, Piper and I'm not too happy with what they said. But that's past the point. Finally, I heard a familiar voice and saw a friendly face. Actually, looking back on it now, it wasn't that friendly at all. It was in the shape of Piper McLean marching up to me, red in the face. When she reached me, she stared at me for a second and then raised her hand and slapped me round the face. So here's a warning to you. Stay on the right side of Piper Grace.'

'Then she hugged me. Talk about mood swings. Jason came up as well and he joined in the hug which was where it got a little weird to say the least. But I put up with it. Calypso was standing off to the side, a bit awkwardly so I introduced her and she hit it off with everyone else immediately. I was welcomed back as a hero and a saviour because it was down to me that Gaia won't be killing anyone anymore. Well, maybe not all down to me. Everyone else did their share as well. So there you have it. Now, what's next?'

**I'm still taking requests if anyone wants to submit any. As usual post them either in the review section or PM me.**


	3. Attack of the Drunken Maenads!

**Sorry it's been so long since I updated last but I've had that much else to do. So, thanks go to Kendra PJO for prompting this chapter and I'm still open to suggestions.**

**Disclaimer: Rick Riordan owns all the characters. I own nothing except for the children.**

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><p><span>Attack of the Drunken Maenads!<span>  
>Leo snagged another slip of paper. He was really beginning to enjoy this job though the kids could be a little bit too loud for his liking sometimes. He read what was written on it and he was sure his face turned red as a beet. How the hell had those kids found out about that incident with the Maenads? It must have been Thalia or Mitchell because Jason and Piper were the only ones that were present at the time.<p>

'All right.' He said looking at the Grace kids. 'Which one of you put this in about the Maenads?' The two children looked at one another in confusion. They hadn't heard of Maenads in their lives, but now they certainly wanted to know why their Uncle Leo had got so embarrassed!  
>'Neither of us did it.' Mitchell piped up. 'Who are the Maenads?'<br>'Well if it wasn't you, who was it?' A giggle in the crowd interrupted Leo's thoughts. Of course, Hope Solace-Angelo would do that sort of thing.  
>'Okay, you sneaky daughter of Hermes, how did you know about this?'<br>'I heard Uncle Jason and Auntie Piper talking about it before.' Hope said this so innocently, Leo found it impossible to stay mad at her. Being the daughter of Hermes, she knew all the tricks to get away with things.

'Fine. I'll tell you about it only if you can keep it a secret. Clear? Good. So, I suppose it was my fault really although I still blame the Windex. I polished Buford with Windex when I knew he prefers Lemon Pledge with extra moisturizing formula. He got upset and ran off. That was bad because the two syncopators I needed were in his drawers. If I didn't get them back within the next hour the bunker would blow up and destroy everything in the surrounding area.'

'So Piper, Jason and I went out to find Buford. On the way we met a bunch of Dionysus's followers. There were called the Maenads and were drunk basically all the time because they drank so much. They killed anything that wasn't Dionysus. They basically turned into snarling raging beasts and ripped the… Sorry. You don't really need to know that do you? Anyway, they asked us if we were Dionysus and, because we needed to get to Buford, I said yes. They asked me a ton of question to check if I was really Dionysus.

Of course I wasn't Dionysus and they were suspicious. One of them gave me three chances to prove myself. I had to tell them the order of their revelries and then they asked me to sing the Bacchanalian Jingle which was what they started with. I sung the theme tune for Psych instead and they decided that I wasn't Dionysus and they were going to kill me, Jason and Piper. We ran but they ran after us. Nothing could stop them. Literally nothing. I even set them on fire but they happen to be immune to it. They were super-strong so it seemed like there was no way to stop them. We couldn't kill them. But, as usual, Leo saved the day with a quick, last-minute plan.

Jason went off to find Buford while Piper and I led the Maenads to Bunker 9. Piper charmspoke the Maenads while I set up the trap. I set off an instant party which wasn't bad for just two minutes work. In fact, I'd say it was rather good! But, anyway, due to my brilliance, and a tad of charmspeak…'  
>'Leo, you no good liar, if I recall correctly, my charmspeak stopped you from getting ripped to pieces!'<br>'You just had to bring that up didn't you? Back to the story. I captured the Maenads in Hephaestian netting that would stop them from escaping. The story concludes in me stopping the explosion and everyone thinking I was amazing. The end. Now kids, remember, don't tell anyone else about this. Dionysus would never forgive me if he knew I'd impersonated him. Are we all clear?'  
>The kids all nodded fervently, although Leo didn't like the sneaky looks on Charlie, Sally and Hope's faces.<p>

'Okay. Just remember, I'll be watching, always watching. So, shall we see what's next?'


	4. Pranking Percy

**Sorry it's been a while since I last updated but I'm a pretty bad updater. Sorry! Thanks for this prompt goes to Guest. It was a slightly odd request so I'm not sure if I've done what that person meant or not. Enough of my waffling, here's the story.**

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><p><span>Pranking Percy<span>  
>As Leo looked at the next bit of paper, an idea began to form in his mind. Instead of just random stories, he could do a series of Leo Valdez escapades. Yeah, he definitely liked it.<p>

'So, kids, this person's asked about pranks we did on the Argo II because we were all starved for entertainment. I'm going to do a series of stories about pranks we pulled on each other.'  
>'You means pranks <strong>you <strong>pulled on the rest of us,' Annabeth pointed out.  
>'Whatever, Chase. Sorry, Jackson. Anyhow, is that okay with everyone?'<br>Eight heads bobbed up and down.  
>'Good because I was going to do it anyway. How about I do one for each person on that Argo? Okay? Let's start with Percy. Let's see. Oh, I've got a really good one! You remember the bean sprouts, Percy?'<br>'Don't even go there, Leo.'  
>'Too late. Already have. So basically, Annabeth was nagging Percy to eat some healthy food for a change. All he ate was pizza and pancakes and stuff like that.'<p>

'Hey! I needed my energy. Fighting monsters is hard work!'  
>'Yes, I know, Percy. I was there too. But, seriously, it's a wonder you didn't get fat, you ate that much.'<br>'What about you with all your Fonzies?'  
>'That was different. Can I continue now? So Percy agreed to eat something healthy and the first thing Annabeth thought of was bean sprouts. This might seem like a random choice but she had good reason. Bean sprouts taste watery, clean and fresh and if anything was going to attract Percy, it was water.'<p>

'The thing is, I thought Annabeth was being a bit harsh on Percy. And I didn't want the guy suddenly turning to a huge veggie lover and shaming all of us people who eat rubbish. So I, as usual, had a brilliant idea to stop Percy from even touching a vegetable for a period of at least a month.'

'It had to be done secretly. So what I did was program Festus to set off a monster alert just as our meals were served. When the alarm went off, everyone ran up on deck to fight off any monsters attacking our ship. I lingered for a while behind the others and, when they were all out of sight, sprinkled a super-hot chilli powder on Percy's sprouts. This powder was invisible and would only become apparent when tasted.'

'That was you? You set off that alarm and sent us all into a panic?'  
>'Chill, Annabeth. It was all for a good cause, namely destroying your plan to get Percy to eat healthy.'<br>'Exactly. I think…'  
>'Can I finish now? Thanks. So, anyway, we decided it was a false alarm and we sat down to eat. Percy, just to show Annabeth, jammed a whole forkful of bean sprouts in his mouth. The reaction was priceless. His eyes literally bulged out of his head and I swear I could see smoke coming out of his! Gods, it was funny. He gulped down two whole glasses of water before he could speak again. Since then, he's never even touched a bean sprout and now, even though he knows the truth, I bet he still won't eat them.'<p>

By this time, the kids were all in stitches on the floor and Percy was glowering at Leo. The other adults, all with varying stages of amusement on their faces, were sizing Leo up, thinking about all the times something mysterious had happened to them on the Argo II.

Similarly, Leo was thinking which person he should target for humiliation next. He didn't want to over-do it though. Having at least six angry demigods on his tail swearing to send him to Hades the hard way was **not **on Leo's bucket list.

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><p><strong>Sorry it was so short! I need ideas for pranks Leo could have pulled on the rest of the seven and maybe I'll do one for Nico too. If you have an idea, well, you know the drill by now. Until the next time!<strong>


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